Meaning

09.03.18

It’s easy to feel disconnected from the things that bring more vivid colours into your life when you work a 9-5. It’s easy to feel like everything has fallen into such predictable and steady routines without you even realizing it, and like the days are starting to blur together in washes of monotones and greys until the weekend comes thundering along with its many illusions of neon vivacity – and even then, you go to all the same bars with the same people and have the same blurry, hazy, half-remembered nights.

You wonder about the things that will bring your life meaning, or at least some shots of colour here and there, and you wonder where to find them and if it’s maybe you who isn’t looking hard enough – maybe this is one big “you” problem after all, and it has been all along.

But you’ve spoken to friends in your circle, and you understand that you’re all displaying or experiencing the same symptoms of the same cultural epidemic – namely, that these corporate and capitalist structures you find yourselves trapped in render your young lives devoid of any substantial meaning or spontaneity or excitement or fun.

The inescapable repetition of things leaves them drab and dull, but you’re too tired in the evenings to really put in the effort of finding something more. Sometimes, it’s easier to just sit in your bed and browse through other people’s lives instead of consciously trying to figure out how to live yours more fully and then putting it into practice.

I am trying to break the mold of my days by taking care of myself in little ways. I want to light candles in my room and start making music again. I want to really take writing seriously and see where it leads me, because I think it might be the key to living my passion. I want to focus my creative energies on things that are productive rather than spend my spare time wasting away in front of a screen. I want to go to art galleries and comedy shows and poetry readings. I want to meet interesting people and ask questions and learn new perspectives. I want to read in coffee shops and write in the park. I want to start volunteering somewhere and feel like I’m making some sort of difference in the world.

I want to live more than I am living now, and I know it’s going to take some work, but I’m willing to give it a go. I need to start putting myself out there – going out into the world and taking steps to prevent me from becoming just another cog in the wheel. I know that I have so much more to offer than what I’m currently giving now.

It’s time for me to focus on the things I truly find important.