Some Things I Miss

04.26.20

I caught myself putting off writing again today, but as soon as I turned on some chill music (“Raining in Osaka” from the bootleg boy on YouTube), I felt myself getting excited by the prospect of it again.

I want to fold these moments into my own words – these moments of quiet and stillness and of being alone in my lamplit room at midnight on a Saturday when I’d normally be drinking at a friend’s apartment or prowling the downtown streets.

I miss being out in the deep night, and being loud and messy with my friends. I miss the wild senselessness of it all and the spark of adventure and possibility that was always there, even when those nights often ended up being more of the same for the most part – some drinking, some dancing, some eyeing of a stranger from across the room and turning away, coyly, flirting, waiting to see if anything would come of it or if the moment would pass and get lost in the crowd.

And I miss those haphazard pockets of peace and quiet I’d stumble into when I came home, drunk, at 3 am or often later. I miss the feeling of shedding the noise and the neon electricity and the buzz coursing through my blood as I strip off all my clothes and tuck myself into bed, falling asleep to the soft hums of a throw away romcom or some music video I’ve already seen a thousand times.

When this is all over, it’ll be nice to go back to those rooms full of laughter and slurred words and spilled drinks, where crossing paths with friends is routine and, if I’m lucky, I might be able to spend some time with someone who makes my heart beat a little faster. If only.